Legend has it that deep within the muddy depths of our beloved Ohio River dwells a creature of epic proportion (and personality) described by many a Queen City denizen simply as a “catfish the size of a Volkswagen.”
Plausible sightings from multiple sources including veteran tugboat pilots as well as neophyte canoe enthusiasts have been reported over the last fifty years. Witnesses recount episodes of having seen or (shudder) felt the giant beast as it winds its way up and down the Ohio.
In an effort to get the real scoop on the City’s upcoming Riverfest, Soapbox staffers (decked out in orange waders – now available at cafepress.com) braved the mighty waterway’s undercurrents and went searching for this furtive fish of fahrvergnügen. Following an exhaustive, and ultimately fruitless search, we finally lured our elusive friend to the surface with a couple cases of Christian Moerlein’s OTR Ale. Turns out, he’s a big fan of the local brew… really big fan. After a bit of coaxing, our new fin-laden friend agreed to serve as our guest blogger this week. What follows are his thoughts on Riverfest, fireworks and 85,000 rubber ducks.
SoapBlog 1 - He sleeps with the fishes
Posted By: A catfish the size of a Volkswagen, 8/26/2008
Yeah, so okay - it’s me. The big catfish.
Lah-dee-dah-dah-dah.
I’m not so sure what the big fuss is all about.
I like my privacy.
I’m a fish.
We kind of do that.
And alright, admittedly I’m a little big boned – but the size of a Volkswagen? Really? That seems a bit mean spirited. I’ve seen you people after Oktoberfest and maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Volkswagen…
It’s about that time of year again and unless you’re new to the city or just plain dippy, you know next week marks Cincinnati’s biggest holiday weekend of the year.
Forget the 4th of July. I do. Mostly because I’m a fish and we have a memory span of like twenty seconds – but for my whiskers, there’s no better time to appreciate the Ohio River than Riverfest. The dog days (no pun intended) of summer are winding down and you can almost hear the big box stores hauling out the Halloween and Christmas displays. But before you dust off those sweaters and tights, make your way down to the Ohio River (or what I like to call the middle-side) and celebrate with about 500,000 people from all over the region as we give Summer one last spankingwith a couple tons of brightly colored explosions courtesy of the Rozzi brothers, WEBN and Cincinnati Bell.
Talk about regionalism. This is one of the few events that truly belongs to everyone no matter what side of the river or I-75 you call home. Kind of nice, isn’t it? Not that hard either, is it? Listen, I’m just a big fish. I go wherever I want up and down the river. You people are the ones that seem to get stuck thinking you can’t move around. But take it from a fish who knows, if half a million of you can shove your Graeters eating butts into restaurants, bars and any patch of open space up and down my banks on Labor Day weekend, you can find yourselves back down here throughout the rest of the year as well.
I’ve been doing this Cincinnati Riverfest thing ever since it started back in ’77 when WEBN shocked the hell out of us bottom feeders with their first fireworks show created by Rozzi's Famous Fireworks Inc. They’re still at it and it seems to get more intense each year with a grand finale that features over 2500 shells (more than most 4th of July fireworks displays have in total) lighting up Covington, Newport and Cincinnati
If memory serves – and like I mentioned before, it usually doesn’t for my kind, the fireworks start at 9:05 on Sunday. But come down even earlier to experience everything else there is to see and do. More on that later…